Those of us who were scarred by sexual abuse are haunted by anxiety attacks. It happened to me when I was on camera narrating a video I had produced.
With camera’s rolling, I found myself looking at the camera lens and going into a full-blown anxiety attack. Instead of the elegant lines I had rehearsed, I stumbled. I knew it before I watch the footage. This after years as a polished talk show host and a change facilitator on three continents.
My redemption has been a screen play I birthed over the last two years about four women who found their redemptive paths after the trauma of child sexual abuse. Flushed with success, I fooled myself into briefly believing that those these attacks were in my rearview mirror.
I share this story because I have no choice. No matter the friends and fans who tell me I am amazing, I am just like the millions of women who struggle with childhood trauma every day. It’s tattooed on our hearts. And, without warning, it can take us to our knees. Now every time I look at that video, I find myself awash in tears, followed by smiles.
I could have written this post and deleted it, feeling the shame of not being perfect. But I have nothing to fear because this is not about me. It is about a movement that acknowledges fear and steps out of the shadows anyway.
In the words of Rachel, Thriver Sisterhood’s wise counselor:
We are all at crucial crossroads. We can continue to be high functioning in the outer world, while our inner lives are a war zone. But we will ultimately burn out.
That’s why our unique sisterhoods are our lifeline. We need people who will walk with us while we save ourselves, because, as the saying goes, redemption is not a destination, but a life-long journey.